


The Recusant's Sigil

by MadiYasha



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Abuse, Gen, Not explicitly but I very much write Xemnas as an abuser given the circumstances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-03
Updated: 2012-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-20 04:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/882763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadiYasha/pseuds/MadiYasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As your flesh bears the sigil, so your name shall be known of that as a recusant.</p><p>A oneshot pondering a headcanon I've had for a while that may or may not have become slightly canon as of DDD.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Recusant's Sigil

He could feel himself slipping more and more each day.

It was curious, really, how when he'd woken up, he didn't feel hollow at all. He took his first breath as Saix, but still felt like the same person he ever was; but with every passing week, he felt more and more cold and hollow inside. It was worrisome, how conscious he was of his emotions slipping away from him, the vibrance in his seaglass eyes fading ever so slightly as time went on.

And it was more often than not he looked to Lea-no, Axel-for guidance. Never loudly, and never obviously-but he'd cast glances at his best friend frequently, wondering why the boy was smiling and laughing and the same person he always was when they were supposedly in this together. Every bit of them had been together when they lost each other in the darkness, even after their hearts faded.

So why, Saix thought, was his friend so warm and full of life while he was so empty it physically ached?

There was a day when he cast a particularly longing glance at Axel. His lack of a heart only made him miss the jealousy and hurt that would have been there. Instead, there was cold apathy. He wanted to care-to sit down with his friend and wonder these questions aloud. Any signs, however, of a bond between the two could risk Xemnas's trust in his newly-christened underling. Axel was the Organization's assassin now-he had the mark to prove it. He had a job, just as Saix had his own, and he had to remain focused.

But still, that last bit of feeling left in his center told him only to defy, and for a split second he considered listening to it.

"You called for me, sir?"

Xemnas turned slowly at the sound of footsteps behind him. "Your performance has been astounding as of late, VII."

"It's only what is required of me," Saix wasn't prepared to flatter himself. He remained void of emotion and inflection. "I don't intend to overachieve, really."

"I haven't called you here to punish you for what is clearly a powerful asset. Rather, I think it more befitting to raise your influence over our Organization."

His icy calm broke only for a moment. "Superior, I would be honoured to accept whatever it is you ask of me."

The silver-haired man turned around, bearing a wicked smile as he spoke, unbeknownst to Saix. "Then tell me, VII, how would you feel about taking on the position of third in command? I've found over the years that you fit the part quite well."

"Again, I will do whatever it is I am asked of to further us."

"You remember the boy we found you with, Saix?" He looked toward the sky, raising his arms slightly as he so often did when giving a speech. "That sniffling, traumatized child. He was christened an assassin on the spot, given ceremonial tattoos to denote his place here. But you, we saw the thunder in your eyes-even lacking your heart-and knew there would be bigger plans for you."

The berserker nodded, keeping his humble stance, feigning the bravery he definitely wasn't feeling at all.

"It was hardly a daunting task for you to prove yourself. VIII is a problem... he's far too attached to his memories of what it's like to feel. He's deluded himself, the boy thinks he's still human, and the only reason he was given a simple job was to find a way to have him channel that pesky element of his.

"It's clear any attachment you have to him has been gratingly severed... but there is still the task of your branding, as well." He barely peeked over his shoulder, orange eyes nearly burning into his subordinate.

Saix closed his eyes. "Yes, Superior."

Xemnas bore his grin once more, and there was a shrill crackling of lightning and the dark of the room illuminated. The tiny glimmer of heart left in Saix was hesitating, asking billions of questions. _Why does he want me and Lea to be separated? Is it really just memories that are keeping my best friend smiling? Why am I so terrified of the way_ he's _smiling?_ And the most prominent thought of all: _This is exactly how it felt when you and Lea were losing yourself in the darkness. It's the feeling of being taken over... run, Isa._

The Superior's ethereal blades materialized in an instant, and in the pale, blood red light of their glow, he took several achingly slow steps toward Saix. The words that fell from his silhouette were like chilling poetry, synchronized with the pace at which he was walking, haunting him in a cruel baritone. He would remember that sentence forever.

"As your flesh bears the sigil..."

There was a breakneck flash. Saix cried out, confused and scared as to why he smelled burning flesh and pungent copper. The stench of darkness blanketed it, and he fell to his knees in pain. There was blood running down his face, blinding his sight, and he wondered why everything hurt so bad. This was more than a scratch to the face, this was the feeling of whatever was left of him slowly being taken away. He coughed weakly, trying to remain brave-trying to remember that becoming close to the higher-ups was part of the plan, and he had to pull through for his best friend... his best friend...

_"Whatever happens in there, Isa..." The younger boy ran his fingers through flaming red locks. "We're always gonna be friends, right?"_

_Isa let himself smile. "Don't get sappy on me now, Lea."_

_"We don't know what's in there, though." He was uncharacteristically grim. "I just wanna know that we'll be together. If I have that, then... well, what's there to fear?"_

_"Fair enough," He put his hand on his friend's shoulder and squeezed lightly. "Of course we'll be together. Until the end."_

_He grinned. That was more like the Lea that Isa knew. "One more thing, Isa,"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I... can you promise me that you'll never forget me?"_

_"Idiot," He laughed. "How could I ever forget you? I've told you a million times."_

_"You know it scares me. Sure, I want people to remember me, but... none of them would matter if you didn't."_

_"It's time I asked you something in return, then."_

_"Of course! What is it?"_

_He looked down. "I'm scared. Really scared. I don't know what's gonna happen to me. But you, Lea-of everyone I;ve ever met, you've changed the least. You only become stronger and stronger, never faltering. If I... if something happens to me, I want to count on you. I want you to save me, because I don't know if I can always save myself. I need someone to bring me back if I fall..."_

_"Aw, you're the idiot!" He beamed. "You don't have to ask that of me, Isa! That's what friends do. Got it memorized?"_

_"I suppose..."_

_"C'moooon," Lea nudged him. "It's settled. You'll keep me in your memories and I'll chase you if you run too far from yourself. We can do this!"_

_"You're right, Lea." Isa grabbed his hand, staring into the mouth of the castle. "Thanks."_

_"Let's go, buddy!"_

_"Yeah."_

The second crackle of light sliced into Saix's skin. The memory had nearly put tears in his eyes, and he bit his lip until it bled along with the gashes across his forehead-there was no chance he could show his true pain in front of Xemnas. He had to prevail. This was for Lea, for him, for their friendship... he let Lea's voice echo in his head, and he almost wasn't scared anymore. Xemnas finished his sentence, glaring down on his new toy.

"...so your name shall be known as that of a recusant."

Saix panted as he felt the blackness melt into his center like it was welcome there all along. He lowered his gaze down to the incandescent, mirrored floor-and through the scarlet dripping down his chin like crude tears, he saw a man he did not recognize.

It stared back up at him, through acidic yellow eyes.

If he had a heart, it would have skipped a beat.


End file.
